Of Scotch and (Mulled) Wine
by theoofoof
Summary: Come and spend Christmas with Olivia, Rafael and Noah (and maybe a few other characters too!)
1. Christmas Eve

**A/N:** I didn't join the Barson Secret Santa on Tumblr as I wasn't sure I was going to have time to write a Christmas fic, but it turns out I did. So here's the first part of what is currently a two shot. MERRY CHRISTMAS to the entire Barson Family! I hope you enjoy. Oh, and just to avoid any questions/confusion, Sheila Porter doesn't exist in this universe.

I do want to say thanks to motherbearof3 for her help with this. It would be no-where near as good without her being a wonderful sounding-board/proof-reader.

* * *

"Can we do Christmas Eve presents now?" Noah asked bouncing in his seat, as he watched his mother and Rafael clear the breakfast dishes.

"Presents on Christmas Eve?" Rafael asked, placing the bowls in the sink and grabbing a cloth to wipe down the table.

Olivia smiled at the familiarity with which she, Rafael and Noah negotiated their morning routine. They'd been dating for five months and sleeping together for three and a half, but he had only recently begun staying over. Olivia had wanted to shield Noah from their relationship until they were sure it would work out. Rafael had been sneaking out in the early hours of the morning whenever he stayed, until one night in early December when, after working thirty-eight hours straight, they had fallen asleep after making love and not stirred until Noah had padded in and woken them at eight-thirty.

"One present," Olivia clarified, turning on the hot water and rinsing their cereal bowls and glasses. "It's kind of a Benson tradition." She didn't have many, but this was one that had endured throughout her childhood. Her mother had always been sober on Christmas Eve, or at least, sober enough to function as a parent. When Noah had come into her life she continued the tradition with him. "We normally wait until later in the day," she explained, "but we wanted you to be here."

Rafael nodded, touched that they were changing their routine to fit around him. He was going to his mother's for dinner tonight, as he did every year and then accompanying her to Midnight Mass. In years past, his mother would have had to drag him along with her and his Abuelita. As he got older and came to understand what it meant to them, he went willingly. Now, it was tradition, even though his Abuelita was no longer with them.

Drying her hands on the dishcloth, Olivia walked around the breakfast bar and knelt by the tree. She picked up a bright red package emblazoned with the words 'Noah's Christmas Eve Box' as well as two smaller unwrapped boxes. Returning to the kitchen she placed the boxes on the freshly wiped table and slid the biggest one towards Noah.

"Thank you, Momma." He flashed her a grin as he delved into the box, pulling out a book, 'How to Catch an Elf', a new pair of pyjamas and a small pouch of 'magic reindeer food'.

Noah flipped through the book, looking at the colourful pictures and trying to sound out some of the words. Olivia let him try for a few minutes before clearing her throat. Noah looked up from his book. Olivia indicated the two presents left on the table.

"Oh. Yeah. Here you go, Momma." He held out the larger of the two boxes that were left.

"Thank you, my love." She opened it to reveal a woollen hat, scarf and glove set.

"Do you like it, Momma?" Noah asked.

"I do," Olivia nodded, lifting the scarf wrapping the scarf around her neck. "I love it."

Noah lifted the last present. "And this one's yours, Rafa!"

Rafael's eyes widened as Noah slid the remaining box towards him. He hadn't expected to receive anything from Noah, even on Christmas Day, so being included in this tradition was a pleasant surprise.

"Gracias, amigo."

Placing a hand on Rafael's shoulder, Olivia bent close to his ear. "He picked it out himself," she whispered.

Rafael lifted the lid gently. Inside was a navy-blue tie adorned with penguins in Santa hats. It wasn't anything like what he'd usually wear, but the fact that Noah had chosen it for him made him smile. "It's great Noah," he told him.

Noah beamed. "Maybe you could wear it when you go to church tonight," he suggested.

"That is a really great idea, Noah. I will do that." He was sure his mother would comment on his new festive neckwear, but he could live with it.

The little boy's eyes lit up with joy. "Really?"

Rafael nodded. "I promise."

As Noah rushed off to take his presents to his room, Rafael placed a gentle kiss on Olivia's cheek. "Thank you," he whispered, gesturing to the tie.

"I had nothing to do with it," Olivia admitted. "He was out with Lucy, shopping for my Christmas Eve gift and told her he wanted to get you something too."

"Well, I appreciate it."

"Had I been there I might have been able to talk him into something a little more tasteful."

Rafael chuckled. "It could be worse, it could have been a musical or light-up one. Besides, it's only one night of the year."

"I suppose. Still, don't feel like you have to wear it… if it'll make you feel uncomfortable."

"You could always come with me and make the evening more bearable."

Olivia's eyes widened. "I'm sorry?"

He hadn't intended to invite her, but now the words were out of his mouth he couldn't think of better way to spend his Christmas Eve. "Come with me. To Mass. You and Noah. I know you're not Catholic but, well neither am I really. Not a practising one anyway. I just go with Mami. And now I'm babbling. Sorry." He took a breath and reached for Olivia's hand. "Come to Mass with me, please?"

"Rafa… Noah's too young for such a late night."

"I did it at his age, my cousins too. Let him sleep for a few hours beforehand and he'll be fine. You might get more of a lie-in in the morning too." Maybe for them both. The original plan was for Rafael to sleep at his own place and join Olivia and Noah mid-morning and stay with them for dinner, as his mother was volunteering at a soup kitchen. If Olivia and Noah came to Mass, maybe they'd all come home together, and he'd wake up next to his love on Christmas Morning.

"We can't…" She hesitated before uttering her next words, knowing there was a fair chance they'd upset him. "If someone sees us together…"

Rafael sighed. When they began their relationship, they'd both agreed that it would be best to keep it under wraps. But now, Rafael felt it was time to stop hiding. Olivia disagreed. The topic had come up several times in the past few weeks, and every time, they'd ended up going around in circles.

"It's been five months Liv. If not now, then when?"

Olivia bit her lip. "I don't know," she admitted, resting her elbows on the table.

Rafael leant back against the worktop and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "I'm just sick of feeling like our relationship is some dirty little secret."

Olivia rose from the table and moved to stand in front of him. "Rafa, look at me… Please." He raised his eyes to hers. "I am _not_ ashamed of you or our relationship. I'm not," she reiterated.

"I know. Sorry. I do know that. I'm just tired of hiding it. I want to be able to walk down the street holding your hand, to go out with you and Noah as a family and not have to worry about who's around. I want to be able to show the world how much I love you."

"I know." She reached for his hand. "I understand. I just need a bit more time. Can you give me that, please?"

Rafael took a deep breath. "I guess I'll have to," he replied, his voice flat and toneless.

Seeing him there, in her kitchen, hands stuffed in his pockets tugged at her heart. She wanted to say yes, to tell him that he could shout it from the rooftops, but she was afraid. "Raf…"

The sound of his cell phone ringing in the other room broke the moment and he squeezed out from between her and the counter to retrieve it. Olivia busied herself putting the dishes away. When he returned, he was dressed for the office – putting to use the spare suit that hung in her closet just in case.

"The DA called," he offered in explanation. "I've got to go."

"We'll see you in the morning then?" Olivia asked as he gathered his things.

"Yeah, I guess," he replied with a shrug, already in the living room. No goodbye kiss or hug. Barely even a glance in her direction. He ruffled Noah's hair as he passed him. "Bye, amigo."

"Bye, Rafa! See you tomorrow."

As the door closed behind Rafael, Olivia couldn't help but wonder if they would actually see him tomorrow.

* * *

The church was lit for Midnight Mass. Candles burned upon almost every surface, casting a warm, glowing light around the nave. Rafael sat in a middle pew, next to his mother, studying the small, unlit candle in his hand. He let the soothing sounds of the choir wash over him, hoping for some sense of peace.

He'd been out of sorts since his conversation with Olivia that morning. He hadn't wanted to leave things like that, but you just didn't ignore a summons from Jack McCoy; not even on Christmas Eve. Especially not on Christmas Eve. She'd sent him a couple of messages after he'd left, the first one checking if he was okay, the second to remind him to pick up the flowers he'd ordered for his mother. He'd ignored them.

It was petty, he knew. He should have responded. But he didn't. He was upset and angry with her and he didn't want to talk to her. Her third and final message came around 7.30, just as he and his mother were about to sit down to dinner. It was a photo of Noah, sat in front of their Christmas tree, dressed in his new pyjamas. It was captioned. "Noah wanted to say goodnight."

He couldn't help but smile at the photo of the boy who had quickly become a shining beacon in his dark life. As much as he didn't know what to say to Olivia right now, he couldn't ignore Noah. He'd quickly typed a reply, "Goodnight Noah. Remember to go to sleep quickly or else Santa might think you don't want him to visit you," before joining his mother at the table.

If his mother had noticed his distraction she didn't comment on it. Instead, she'd filled the silence with stories of his Tia Christina, his cousins and their children. He'd nodded and smiled in all the right places as he tried to dissect how his day had gone so very wrong.

He should never have asked her to Mass. He'd known as soon as the words were out of his mouth that it was a mistake. But they were out there then – he couldn't take them back – so he'd run with it. His Mami had always said, from as soon as he started talking, that his mouth would get him into trouble and she was right.

Most of the time though, it could get him out of trouble as well. But not on this occasion. He should have let it go, like he had the other times they'd talked about it, but he couldn't. It was Christmas and, although he hadn't intended to ask her to Mass, once the idea was planted he found he wanted it more than anything that might be awaiting him under the tree.

He tried to understand her reticence to go public, he did, but it was hard. Especially when he knew that this was it, for him at least. There would be no-one else. It was Olivia or bachelorhood. He'd never loved anyone the way he loved her. No-one had even come close. So, naturally, it hurt that she wasn't in the same place. He reasoned that if she was, if their relationship was 'end-game' to her, then she wouldn't want to hide it anymore.

"Aren't you being a little unfair?" said a small voice inside his head. A voice that sounded so much like his mother, that he glanced at her, sat next to him in the pew, to be sure she hadn't spoken. "She's told you she loves you. Just give her time."

Time. The one thing that, given her job, could be all too precious. She'd had a close call a couple of weeks ago, and ended up in the ER after a perp had pushed her down a flight of stairs. He didn't know anything about it until later that afternoon when he walked into her office to find her face bruised. No one had called him because no-one knew that they were a couple. And she hadn't called him because she hadn't wanted him rushing over, causing a scene and outing them, especially given that she was okay. But all Rafael had been able to think was what if it had been a bullet? What if she'd been shot? What if she lay dying in the street or in some hospital bed and he didn't know? He didn't want to be out of the loop if something happened to her. To not be involved in decisions about her… or Noah.

His heart was in his mouth every time she went to work but he'd never ask her to stop. No, he couldn't do that to her, but he was all too aware of the fact that each moment they spent together could be their last. Time wasn't something they necessarily had on their side.

It was then that it dawned on him then how much time he'd wasted today. He could have returned to her apartment after his meeting with McCoy, spent a good couple of hours with her and Noah, but he hadn't because he'd been too busy wallowing in self-pity. He did a quick mental calculation, trying to work out if it would be too late to go over there once he'd seen his mother home, to try and salvage their first Christmas together.

Movement on his other side drew his attention. He looked up and over, eyes widening, as someone slid into the pew beside him.

"Hi," whispered Olivia, sitting and settling Noah on her knee.

"Hi, Rafa," Noah added, his voice quite a bit louder than his mother's, causing Olivia to shush him and remind him of the rules she'd set out before they entered the church.

He ruffled Noah's hair. "Hola, amigo." Looking up he met Liv's gaze. "I thought you weren't coming?" he whispered, barely audible over the sound of the choir.

"I wasn't but…" She shrugged, wrapping her hand around his. She hadn't intended to come. Not until about an hour and a half ago.

She'd spent the day trying to shake the feelings of unease she had been left with after their conversation that morning. Noah had provided some distraction but there was a question still niggling at the back of her mind as she'd watched her son play in the snow and helped him bake Christmas cookies. " _Why are you holding back?_ "

She was holding back, and she knew it. She loved Rafael, there was no doubt in her mind. But she was stuck. Unable to take that next step. Once Noah was in bed and she'd 'played Santa', placing all the gifts under the tree, she'd sat on her sofa with a large glass of Cabernet, and addressed her doubts.

In her head, she knew Rafael loved her, he'd told her on several occasions and he showed her every day, through the small things he did out of care and consideration for her. She also knew that he was committed to her, and to Noah. He'd been clear from the start that he wanted to be in this relationship for the long-haul and he understood what that meant regarding Noah.

In her head, she knew all these things. But in her heart… that was where the problem was. She was afraid. In her heart, she didn't know if their relationship would last. Her romantic history had hardly been a resounding success. Her string of failed relationships had left her jaded and cynical.

Although she'd never admit it to anyone, she had had feelings for Elliot and had, at times, fantasised about him leaving Kathy for her. But he didn't. Instead, he'd left her without looking back. In hindsight, she could see how toxic that relationship had been but that didn't mask the scars that its failure had left. When she'd moved in with Brian, she had thought that was it too. Yes, the circumstances that had precipitated the move had meant that it had happened sooner than it probably would have otherwise, but she'd still believed that she and Brian would go the distance. She wouldn't have agreed to live with him if she hadn't. With Ed, she'd been happier than she ever remembered being before and could see herself growing old with him and raising Noah. But, once again she had been wrong. He'd asked more of her than she could give and, that had been that.

Rafael was amazing. He made her feel things that she'd never experienced before. They complimented each other and challenged each other, both professionally and personally. They could be themselves with one another. She loved him, and he loved her. It sounded perfect, but Olivia couldn't help but think what if she was wrong again?

When her cell phone had beeped, indicating the arrival of a text message, Olivia had been disappointed that it wasn't from Barba but from Don Cragan.

"Liv, Merry Christmas to you and Noah. Love Don and Eileen x"

He'd attached a photo of him and Eileen in the living room of their new house, the Christmas tree behind them. Olivia had never seen Cragen as relaxed and happy in all the years she'd known him.

She'd quickly typed a reply, attaching the same picture of Noah she'd sent to Rafael earlier. "Thanks. Merry Christmas to you both too. New house is looking good. You look happy. xx"

"I am. Never thought I would be but that shows how much I know. Take care of yourself Liv. x"

Sipping her wine, she'd thought about Cragen's words. They echoed those he'd said when he'd retired. That, after giving his life to the NYPD, he finally had a shot at happiness. Olivia had replayed those words when she'd been asked to foster Noah, and again when she adopted him. She thought Noah would be the key to her happiness and he did make her happy – more than she'd ever thought possible, but then Rafael had asked her out and she'd discovered another reason to be happy.

It had taken her by surprise, his invitation to dinner, but she hadn't hesitated in accepting. She'd been fighting her feelings for him for a while – since before her break-up with Ed – and their first date had been everything she'd dreamed of and more. Their firm friendship had made it easy to make the transition to a romantic relationship; there had been none of the awkwardness that Olivia had expected. They'd agreed on that first date, not to disclose the change in their relationship. At first, it was to be able to enjoy it without being under the scrutiny of others. But then, as the weeks then months went by, Olivia found herself using that as an excuse. By keeping their relationship secret, she was shielding herself from the fall out of it ending. If only she and Rafael knew about it, then when it did end, it could do so quickly and quietly – without a fuss. Easier for everyone.

Sitting there in the dim light of her own Christmas tree, her gaze fell on one of the neatly wrapped presents that sat waiting for him. As she'd watched the lights reflect off the shiny silver paper, her thoughts had drifted back to that morning, to the look in Rafael's eyes when Noah handed him his Christmas Eve gift. When he'd realised that they were including him in their family tradition. He'd been touched by the present from Noah, but there had been something more there. Hope. Hope that this was the turning point in their relationship.

But then she'd snuffed out that little flicker of hope by refusing to join him and his mother at Mass. Choosing instead to sit, miserable and alone, in her living room on Christmas Eve, while the man she loved sat on the other side of the city, probably just as miserable. It was no way to spend their first Christmas as a couple. She'd glanced at the clock; 10.05pm. Luckily, she'd realised her mistake early enough to do something about it.

So, after adding a quick message to the tag on the present she'd been staring at, Olivia had woken Noah, placating his sleepy grumpiness with promises of seeing Rafael, wrapped him in his thickest winter coat and bundled them both into a cab. It had been a long time since she'd set foot in a church during the Christmas season; or for any reason other than a christening, wedding, or funeral, actually. But this tradition was important to Rafael, and he was important to her. And it was time she showed him just how much.

"… I'm sorry for this morning." She leaned in close, her breath warm against the side of his neck when she spoke. Rafael turned his hand in hers and allowed their fingers to intertwine. Olivia smiled and leant towards him until their shoulders were touching. Rafael knew they had drawn the attention of his mother and he could feel her gaze upon them, but he didn't care. This was what he had wanted. The warmth and light. The sparkle in her eyes and the joy he felt at having her and her son beside him. The tingling spark of excitement that travelled along his nerve endings when she leaned closer and whispered a simple "Merry Christmas," against his ear. They shared a smile and let their attention drift back to the service that was already ongoing.

When they rose and sat again after singing, "Once in Royal David's City", Noah clambered up, not onto Olivia's knee, but Rafael's. She moved to take her son, but Rafael shook his head, allowing Noah to snuggle into him, clinging onto one of his suspenders. Olivia leant back into him and let her hand rest on his knee. They stayed like that throughout the service, through the familiar carols like "Hark! the Herald Angels Sing" and "O Come, All Ye Faithful", through the rather disorganized homily, through the elaborate Kyrie and Gloria, Sanctus and Benedictus and Agnus Dei, accompanied by violins, cello, bass, two flutes, and the organ. The music and the old words, the 'Thee's' and 'Thou's', washed over Rafael and brought a measure of peace, one that was only deepened by Olivia and Noah's presence at his side.

When Rafael got up to go for communion, he was surprised to see Olivia go out of the pew ahead of him instead of stepping aside. He raised an eyebrow, as he allowed his mother to go before him.

"They do blessings, right?" she replied, taking Noah's hand and allowing Rafael to lead them down the aisle. As they waited to approach the altar rail, the man bent down and pointed to the nativity scene at the front of the church, explaining who all the figures were. Noah nodded along, happy to listen again to the story he'd been captivated by since Rafael had first told it to him a week ago.

They knelt at the rail, Noah between them, as they received the sacrament and blessings, while the choir sang the quiet Christmas hymns of the old hymnal, "Here Betwixt Ass and Oxen Mild", "A Babe Lies in the Manger", and "In the Bleak Midwinter". The music flowed over their heads in a sweet tide, and Rafael was sure that, to those who didn't know them, they looked very much like a family. They filed out together each holding one of Noah's hands, following his mother and the other communicants, and returned to their pew. Rafael slid in beside his mother and lifted Noah back onto his lap as Olivia reclaimed the space next to him, sitting as close as was publicly decent.

Later, as the candles were lit from the outside of the pew inwards, Rafael waited as Lucia turned towards him. His mother looked up him, eyes gleaming and brow raised in question. Rafael simply smiled and waited for the wick of his candle to light before turning away. Noah, who was resisting sleep, eagerly held out his candle. Rafael curled his hand around the little boy's wrist, holding it steady as their candles touched. "Careful, amigo." Noah beamed as his candle lit up. Rafael placed a gentle kiss on the boy's head, before helping him ignite Olivia's candle. Leaning across he placed a gentle kiss against the corner of her mouth. "Thank you for coming."

Olivia smiled and leaned into Rafael once more as he stretched his arm along the back of the pew behind her.

After the service, as people stood mingling in the aisle, Rafael helped Olivia on with her coat. She shivered as his thumb lingered against her neck as he swept her hair from beneath her collar. She turned and allowed her fingers to stroke the length of his tie. Her eyes crinkled at the corners, sparkling up at him "I can't believe you actually wore this," she whispered, conscious of the little ears stood next to her.

He shrugged, sliding his hand down her arm to capture her hand again. "I promised Noah," he mumbled against her ear. Olivia's heart soared at his words. He really did care about her son. She knew that Rafael would be the first to admit that he wasn't confident around children, but he'd made a concerted effort with Noah since day one of their relationship, something that had meant the world to her. Noah had accepted him willingly and often asked about him if he wasn't around. The two of them were quickly becoming inseparable but Olivia wouldn't have it any other way.

The click of heels against the stone floor announced the arrival of Lucia Barba. She stood next to Rafael, her hand on his shoulder, but looked straight at Olivia. "It's Sergeant Benson, yes?" she asked, a knowing gleam in her eye.

"Actually, it's Lieutenant Benson now, _Mami_ ," Rafael corrected, unable to hide the pride in his voice.

"It is, but not tonight," Olivia said, squeezing Rafael's hand.

He glanced at her, confirming he'd understood correctly, his unspoken question met with a smile and an almost imperceptible nod. Rafael returned her smile. "Liv, you remember my mother, Lucia Barba?"

She nodded, reaching out to shake the older woman's hand. "Of course, it's nice to see you again, Mrs Barba."

"Mami," Rafael continued, "this is my… girlfriend, Olivia and her son, Noah."

Lucia slapped him playfully on the shoulder. "Rafi! You should have told me." She rolled her eyes, glancing in Olivia's direction, " _Honestamente! Los hombres son inútiles!_ " before turning back to Rafael. "They could have joined us for dinner." Lucia wasn't surprised by her son's admission. She'd suspected for a while that he felt something for his colleague and after watching them together tonight, she'd wondered if he'd finally decided to do something about it. Apparently, he had, and it looked like his feelings had been reciprocated.

"Oh erm, well…"

He was saved by Olivia. "It's my fault, Mrs Barba."

"Call me Lucia, please. And don't feel you need to cover for my Rafi, _mija_ , he's a big boy."

"Honestly Lucia, I didn't think Noah and I were going to make it tonight. But our plans changed, so" she shrugged. "here we are." It was a small white lie, but it was worth it. It had been her fault that Lucia hadn't known she and Rafael were in a relationship after all.

Rafael felt something tug on his trouser leg. He looked down to see Noah gazing up at him through slatted eyes. "Up please, Rafa."

Rafael bent down and scooped him up, resting him on his hip. Noah rested his head against Rafael's shoulder and closed his eyes. "We should probably get this little man home to bed," Rafael said. He bent to kiss his mother's cheek. " _Feliz Navidad, Mami_."

She lifted her hand to his face. " _Feliz Navidad, mijo_." She swept Noah's curls out of his face. "And Merry Christmas to you Noah." She turned and gathered Olivia into an embrace. "Merry Christmas, _mija_."

It took Olivia a couple of seconds to get over her surprise at the older woman's hug, but once she did, she returned it warmly. "Merry Christmas, Lucia."

"Call me," she instructed her son, as the three of them walked up the aisle. "We'll have brunch." Rafael lifted his free hand in acknowledgement, before returning it to the small of Olivia's back and leading her out into the crisp night air.


	2. Christmas Day

**A/N:** Thanks for the response to the first chapter. I hope this next one lives up to expectations.

* * *

"Santa came! Santa came!" Noah shrieked as he bounded into Olivia's bedroom the next morning and hurled himself onto the bed.

"Oof!" groaned Rafael, as Noah landed on top of him.

Olivia rolled over in Rafael's embrace and gathered her son up in her arms. "Good morning my love,"

"Morning Momma! You have to get up. Santa came! There's presents _everywhere_!"

Rafael rubbed his hand over his face. "What time is it?" he mumbled sleepily.

Olivia craned her neck round to look at the clock on her nightstand. "Six-thirty," she sighed. So much for Rafael's idea that Noah would sleep in after attending Midnight Mass. They'd had four hours sleep if that. After getting home from Mass and putting Noah to bed, they'd played Santa; placing Noah's presents under the tree and in his stocking, eating the mince pie and drinking the whisky that the little boy had arranged on the plate with such care and attention. The two of them had then reconnected, making love on the sofa, in the soft glow of the tree lights, before retiring to bed.

Rafael's sleep-addled brain tried to reason with the excited five-year-old. "Noah, _mijo_ , it's far too early. You already know Santa came so how about you snuggle up in here with me and _Mami_ for a little bit. The presents will still be there in a couple of hours."

"I can't possibly sleep when there's presents to open Rafa!" declared Noah, wriggling out of Olivia's arms, jumping off the bed and running into the living room. "Come on!"

"Don't open anything until I get there!" Olivia called after him. She wondered if Rafael realised that he'd called Noah 'son' but before she could ask him, he rolled her onto her back and captured her lips with his own. Pulling back, he rested his forehead against hers and murmured against her lips. " _Feliz Navidad_ , Liv."

Olivia cupped his cheek and gave him a gentle kiss. "Mmmm. Merry Christmas, Rafa."

They lay there for a few moments, cuddling and sharing soft kisses before Olivia pulled away. "As nice as this is, if we don't get out there soon, Noah will have opened all his presents and started on ours." She extricated herself from Rafael's arms and swung her legs over the side of the bed. Retrieving her robe from the back of the chair, she slipped into it and headed for the door. Sensing no movement behind her, she looked over her shoulder.

Rafael had shifted slightly, he was sat up, leaning back against the cushions, his arms behind his head. His hair was mussed from sleep and the covers bunched at his waist leaving his bare chest exposed. If there hadn't been an over-excited five-year-old in her living room she would have eagerly have crawled back into bed with him.

"Come on, Rafa," she coaxed, leaning against the doorframe, "don't you want to see what Santa brought you?"

His eyes shone brightly as he gazed lovingly at her. "I've already had my Christmas wish Liv, I woke up here with you this morning. Granted, I'd have preferred a more sedate wakeup call but-"

"Momma! Rafa! Hurry up!" Noah's impatient shout cut through Rafael's words.

Rafael laughed. "Duty calls." He got up and pulled on his favourite Harvard Law t-shirt, before following Olivia into the living room.

An hour later the three of them sat on the floor in front of the tree, surrounded by wrapping paper and ribbon, a sizeable collection of presents piling up on the sofa. Despite not having a family in the traditional sense of the word, Noah had been spoiled. There had been gifts from Olivia; a bike, the Hungry Hippos board game, a marble run, some Marvel action figures, a new set of colouring pencils, some clothes, chocolate coins and a few other bits. He also had presents from the squad, Lucy and her Mom and even one from his Uncle Simon. Olivia didn't see her brother that often, but they stayed in touch through emails and Facebook. There were a couple of stocking-fillers from Santa too but, outside of the ones from his mom, the majority of Noah's gifts had come from Rafael.

Olivia had told him that she was getting Noah a bike for Christmas, so he'd offered to buy him a helmet and she'd agreed. But Rafael hadn't stopped there. There were matching elbow and knee pads, gloves, a bell and a water bottle (and holder). He'd also bought him several items of clothing, including an adorable set of suspenders, which Noah had loved. _"Look, Momma, me and Rafa will match!"_ he'd beamed. Added to that were some books and other toys, including the one Noah had declared as his favourite; a Lego City Police Station. _"Now I can catch bad guys like Momma and Uncle Fin."_

"You didn't have to spend so much," Olivia whispered, as Noah retrieved the rest of the presents from under the tree. "You didn't have to get him anything at all."

"It's nothing, Liv." She raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. She was a mother, she knew how expensive toys could be. "Okay," Rafael admitted, "I may have gotten a little carried away. I've never really had to buy for a kid before. Who knew there were so many toys?"

"A _little_ carried away? That's the understatement of the year. Where he's going to put all this stuff, I do not know."

Rafael regarded Noah's pile of presents. "I would have ordered him a bigger toy box too, but I didn't see the point considering that in the Benson house they're merely decorative," he smirked.

Olivia merely rolled her eyes at his attempt at a joke. The truth was, she and Rafael hadn't done too badly either. She glanced at the two smaller piles of presents on the floor. Hers contained a lovely cashmere sweater from Rafael, along with a bottle of her favourite perfume which she had run out of just a few days before. Noah had bought her a DVD, a box of chocolates, and a new ornament for the Christmas tree. Simon had sent her a gift certificate for Amazon and she'd received several bottles of wine and toiletry sets from the squad. For Rafael, Noah had chosen a new wallet, whilst Olivia had bought him a briefcase to replace his current one, which had scuffed corners and a dodgy clasp, and a 12-year-old bottle of Macallan whisky. There was another, cheaper, bottle of scotch from Jack McCoy and new planner from Carmen, even though he relied heavily on her to keep him organised. His mother had sent him a new pen, some books, and her usual gift of fun, although sometimes garish, socks.

Now, there were only two presents left; the 'main' gifts that Olivia and Rafael were giving to each other.

Noah picked up the smallest one first. "This one says, 'To Liv, FR-O-M, from R-A-F-A, Rafa," he said, carefully reading the gift-tags. He handed it to his Mom.

Olivia held the gentle weight of the gift in her hands, hesitating only a moment before slipping her nail under the seam of the paper. She carefully peeled off the paper, finding a small black velvet box within. She looked up at Rafael who was watching her with eager anticipation. "Go ahead," he insisted with a nod of his head.

Olivia opened the hinged lid and gasped as she took in the contents. Nestled against the white silk lining of the box was a small gold open heart pendant, detailed with small diamonds. Gently, she lifted the delicate chain out of the box, allowing it to dangle from her fingers.

"That's pretty Momma," observed Noah, entranced by the heart-shaped pendant spinning at the bottom of the chain.

Olivia nodded. "It certainly is. It's beautiful. Thank you, Rafa." She held it out to him. "Will you put it on for me?"

Rafael reached for the necklace. He lifted it out of her hand. The pendant dangled between them and the diamonds sparkled in the light. Olivia turned and swept her hair out of the way. He had the clasp fastened within seconds. "Thank you."

"My pleasure," he replied as he laid the chain gently against her skin. Olivia shivered as his fingers brushed against the nape of her neck.

With the lightest of touches, he skimmed her shoulders and his hands travelled down her arms, eliciting more shivers. He leaned in close, so close she could feel his warm breath tickle her ear. "It's called a 'Captive Heart'," he whispered. "You've captured my heart Liv."

There was a wealth of emotion in his voice and she let it sweep over her. Love swelled within her. He'd captured her heart too before she'd even realised what was happening. His gift and the meaning behind it solidified the decision that she'd made last night. They needed to move forward. Together.

"The last one's for you Rafa." Noah indicated the gift tag on the final present. "It's got lots of writing on it, I couldn't read it all"

"No problem." Rafael lifted the tag and read the message. 'Rafa. I thought this would look nice on your desk at work. All my love, Liv xx.' He raised an eyebrow in question.

"Just open it," she instructed, gesturing to the box he held.

He lifted the lid off the box and was greeted with a brown, leather photo frame containing a picture of the three of them at a Fall Festival on Long Island. They'd had a great day playing games and picking apples, Noah had had his face painted as a jack-o'-lantern and then they'd watched the costume parade. Olivia had been snapping a photo of Rafael and Noah by a large maple-tree when an older couple passing by had offered to take one of the three of them together. In the busy weeks following that day, Olivia had forgotten all about the photo, until she was clearing some space on her phone in preparation for watching the Thanksgiving Day parade. When she'd re-discovered it, she'd decided to have it framed to gift to Rafael for Christmas. Originally, she'd planned for him to keep it at home, but in light of recent events, and the paperwork she was going to be submitting when she returned to work later in the week, she'd thought his desk would be a much better place for it.

Noah peered over his shoulder, eager to see what Rafael had received. "That's me!" he cried, pointing. "And you and Momma."

"It certainly is, _mijo_." Rafael tore his gaze from the photo and lifted it to meet Olivia's eyes. "Liv, it's…" he swallowed thickly, the implication of her gift clear to him, "…wonderful." He reached for her hand. "Did you mean what you wrote? You want me to put it on my desk?"

Olivia nodded. "It's time. I'll file the paperwork when we go back." She swiped her thumb across the back of his hand. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here."

Rafael shook his head as he dropped her hand to cup her cheek. "It's okay," he assured, pressing his lips to hers, capturing them in a sweet kiss.

The tender moment was disturbed by the rather loud rumbling of Noah's stomach. Rafael and Olivia pulled back from the kiss, laughing at the somewhat startled expression on the little boy's face.

"Hungry, _mijo_?" chuckled Rafael, ruffling his hair.

Noah nodded, and Olivia pushed herself up off the floor. "Come on then, sweet boy. Let's get you some breakfast."

* * *

Once breakfast was eaten, Noah was ready to dive in and explore his new toys. He stood in front of the sofa, eyeing the collection of gifts carefully, considering the pros and cons of playing which each one. "I think I want to play with this first," he decided after a few moments, picking up his Lego City police station. "Will you help me build it?" he asked Rafael.

"Sure _mijo_."

Noah passed Rafael the box to open. He set out all the pieces in organised piles and, while Olivia cleared the breakfast dishes, the two boys huddled together, following the instructions carefully to construct the police station. Rafael was patient with Noah, gently praising and guiding him as they created the building.

"Why are all the police figures boys?" Noah asked, placing one of them in the police car. "Momma and Auntie Amanda are police officers and they're not boys."

Rafael met Olivia's eye over the bar that separated the kitchen and living area. "No, they are definitely not," he smirked.

Liv rolled her eyes, shaking the slotted spoon she was holding at him.

"There should be girl police figures," Noah pouted.

Rafael nodded. "I agree. Some of the best police officers I know are girls." He surveyed the scene Noah had created, picking up one of the figures who was dressed as a criminal. He twisted its head around. "If I remember correctly this should come...," The head separated easily from the body. "…off! Aha!"

He quickly swapped the male head of a police figure with the female one and handed it to Noah. "There you go."

Noah grinned. "Thank you, Rafa!"

" _De nada, mijo_."

"That's Spanish, right?" Noah asked. "Momma said you speak Spanish sometimes."

"That's right, Noah. My parents were from a country called Cuba and they speak Spanish there. Obviously, I need to speak English most of the time, but sometimes I slip into Spanish without even realising it." Flitting from English to Spanish only happened when he was felt extremely comfortable with the people in his company. He'd been very guarded with the language, growing up, fear of being laughed at or segregated because of it.

Noah nodded. "What does it mean?"

" _De nada_?" Noah nodded. "It means 'you're welcome'."

"And the other word? Mee-ho?"

With Noah's child-like pronunciation it took Rafael a moment to realise what he'd called him. When his brain finally caught up, his jaw dropped. He hadn't noticed the term of endearment slip out. He took a moment think back over the morning and counted at least three incidents where he'd referred to Noah that way. He could feel Olivia watching him from the kitchen. The heat rose in his cheeks. The look on her face told him she was aware of exactly how many times he'd used the word _'mijo'_ this morning. He looked from Olivia to Noah, at a loss for what to say.

"Noah, I think it's time to get dressed, my love," Olivia declared, rescuing Rafael from the little boy's enquiring gaze.

"Awww, but Momma, Rafa was teaching me some Spanish!"

Olivia shook her head, as she rounded the bar. "No buts. You cannot spend the whole day in your pyjamas. Go on." She put her hand on Noah's back and guided him gently in the right direction. "Don't worry, Rafael will still be here when you're dressed."

Noah pouted but trudged off down the hall to his room to change.

Rafael made to stand. "We should probably get dressed too," he said, deliberately not meeting her eyes.

"In a minute." Now that Noah had broached the topic, Olivia could finally speak to Rafael and assuage her curiosity about Rafael calling him, ' _mijo_ '. Sitting down on the sofa, she bit her lip. "Rafa…"

"Look Liv… I'm sorry. I… I didn't realise… I rarely think when I'm speaking Spanish, stuff just comes out. I didn't mean to overstep."

"Are you under the impression that I'm mad at you?" she asked, lips turning up into a smile.

He looked up at her. "I…. you mean you're not?"

"No." She patted the sofa cushion next to her. Rafael pushed himself up from his place on the floor and joined her. "Hearing you call Noah 'son'…. Knowing you think of him that way… it's actually rather nice," she admitted. "I just… I don't want you to feel like this is something you have to do because we're together."

Rafael reached for her hand, interlacing their fingers, "I don't," he assured her. "Despite what people might think, I've never been against the idea of being a father. I've just been so committed to my job that I thought my chance had passed me by. And I made peace with that, but then you adopted Noah and I started to wonder if you two could be my chance." He smiled a little sheepishly at her and glanced away. "I love you, and I love Noah and I would love nothing more than to be his Dad."

Moisture pooled in Olivia's eyes. She hadn't thought she could love him more than she already did, but her heart swelled at his words. "Rafa…" She lay a trembling hand against his cheek and drew his gaze back to her. "We love you too."

"I know, but I don't want you to feel obligated either." He looked down the hall towards Noah's room. "You or Noah."

She smiled, squeezing his hand gently as she echoed his words. "I don't." She hadn't expected Rafael to take to the role of potential father as well as he had, not after witnessing his first, awkward encounter with Noah. But, as on many occasions, he'd surprised her. Now, she couldn't think of anyone she would trust more to help her raise her son. There was no-one else she wanted to do this with. And Noah seemed happy with Rafael's presence in their lives, he'd taken to Rafael quickly and the two of them had become firm friends. "Noah doesn't seem to mind either."

"Noah doesn't know what it means yet," Rafael pointed out.

"No, he doesn't," agreed Olivia. "But you'll tell him and then he can decide." The fear of that conversation must have shown on Rafael's face because Olivia laughed lightly. "I know you don't have much experience with kids, but you're good with Noah. You are. Just be honest with him."

Just then, Noah ran back into the living room, his socked feet almost skidding on the laminate flooring, and bounded onto the sofa.

"Careful Noah!" Olivia chastised softly.

"Sorry, Momma." He edged closed to Rafael, climbing up onto his knee. "So, what does 'Mee-ho' mean?" he asked again, settling himself on the man's lap. Olivia shook her head at her son's singlemindedness.

" _Mijo_ ," Rafael began, modelling the correct pronunciation, "is Spanish for 'son'."

"Oh, okay." He shuffled to the edge of Rafael's knee and made to slide off.

Rafael caught him around the waist. "Hang on, Noah." He glanced at Liv, who nodded encouragingly. "Is it okay that I call you that?" Rafael asked. At Noah's confused look, he continued, "Because 'son' is what fathers… dads call their little boys." He wanted to be as honest with Noah as he could; it was important to him that Noah understood at least some of the implications of the decision he was asking him to make, despite his young age.

"Oh. But you're not my Dad," Noah said quietly, looking down. "I don't have a Dad."

Rafael reached out his hand, placing it under the little boy's chin and gently lifting his head so he could look him in the eye. "You could have... if you want." Rafael waited patiently while Noah processed his words.

"You?" Noah's eyes widened in amazement. "You want to be my Dad?"

Rafael smiled. "Only if you want me to be, Noah." He placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. "It's up to you. You can say no, I won't be cross…" Rafael bit his lip. "…or upset."

That wasn't quite true. Rafael knew he would be crushed if Noah refused, but he didn't want to put undue pressure on the boy.

Noah tilted his head and regarded Rafael closely, considering his words.

"I'll still play with you and read you stories," Rafael assured him. "I'll still be here. I just thought it might be nice…"

"Okay, you can call me ' _mijo'_ ," Noah said, being more careful with his pronunciation this time.

" _Gracias_."

"That means 'thank you'," Olivia explained to her son.

" _De nada_ ," grinned Noah, wriggling out of Rafael's embrace and returning to his Lego.

* * *

They spent the rest of the day in a very traditional way. Noah had played with several toys, Olivia and Rafael watching on with delight. They had lunch and then walked to the park to play in the snow. Noah had been upset that he couldn't take his new bike because of the weather, but he soon forgot his disappointment as he pelted his mom and Rafa with snowballs. Together, they built a snowman; Olivia having had the foresight to bring a carrot for its nose and Rafael scouring the park for stones and twigs suitable for eyes and arms respectively. When the cold had gotten too much for them, they'd returned to Olivia's apartment for hot chocolate to warm them up. Noah had continued to explore his new toys as Rafael and his mom took time to ring family and friends. Lucia had been delighted to hear from her son and had managed to convince him to bring Olivia and Noah to her house the following day.

All in all, it was a perfectly normal Christmas Day. There was nothing to indicate that anything significant had taken place that morning. The subject of Noah being Rafael's _mijo_ had gone unmentioned again, until later that evening whilst they sat watching 'The Muppet's Christmas Carol'. Kermit the Frog's character, Bob Cratchit, had just returned home and was greeted by his children with a resounding shout of 'Daddy!"

Noah sat forward on the sofa and put his hand on Rafael's knee. "Rafa?"

Rafael glanced down at the boy. "Mmm?"

Noah bit his lip as he fiddled with the cuffs of his pyjama sleeves, but stayed silent.

Noting the boy's apprehension, Rafael plucked him from Olivia's lap and cuddled him close. "It's okay, Noah. You can ask me whatever you want to."

"What's the Spanish word for Daddy?"

The question caught him off guard. Noah had asked him the Spanish for several words throughout the day; 'park', 'snow', 'car', and 'please' among them, but he hadn't mentioned their earlier conversation about sons again. Honestly, Rafael thought that he'd forgotten it had even happened. It would appear not. Rafael's heart raced as he thought about the reasons Noah would want to know the answer to that question. There was only one that he could think of that would account for Noah's nervousness.

"In Spanish, Dad is _Papa_ and Daddy is _Papi_."

Noah nodded and parroted the words back, trying them out. " _Papa._ _Papi_."

"Well done, _mijo_." Rafael praised his pronunciation.

Noah began fiddling with his sleeve cuffs again. "Rafa? Do you think… Maybe…" He took a deep breath and the rest of the sentence came out in a rushed breath. "CanIcallyou _Papi_?"

Despite having an inkling as to what was coming from Noah's initial enquiry, Rafael's heart still skipped a beat when the little boy finally asked his question.

He glanced at Olivia over the top of Noah's head. She wore a similarly surprised expression to his but her soft smile and slight shrug told Rafael that she was happy with however he wanted to answer.

He ran his hands through Noah's hair and cupped his cheek, ensuring that the little boy was looking at him when he gave his answer. "Sure, if that's what you want."

Noah's eyes lit up. "Really?"

Rafael nodded. "I would love it."

"Okay then."

He turned his attention back to the film, snuggling into the crook of Rafael's arm where it lay against the arm of the sofa. The three of them sat watching as Scrooge was transformed from a ruthless tyrant into a paragon of virtue and joy, laughing at the antics of the narrators as they told the story.

By the time the credits rolled, Noah's eyes were heavy, and he was drifting in and out of sleep.

"I think it's time for bed," Olivia suggested.

"No," protested Noah, burrowing closer to Rafael. "Five more minutes."

"Okay, but you can't fall asleep there," she told him. "You're getting heavy now."

"He's okay," Rafael told her, stroking Noah's head. "You just close your eyes, _mijo._ " He was just as reluctant to be separated as Noah. He rather enjoying holding him as he slept, revelling in Noah's trust in him.

Olivia leant across and kissed Noah's cheek. "Good night sweet boy, I love you."

"Love you, Momma. Love you too, Papi," mumbled Noah sleepily, his fist clenching into the material of Rafael's shirt.

Rafael's heart swelled at hearing Noah call him Daddy for the first time. He dropped a kiss on his son's head. "I love you too, _mijo_ ," he whispered.

A sniff beside him drew his attention from Noah. Olivia was watching them, tears in her eyes. He lifted his arm and she curled into his side. She lifted her son's legs onto her lap and wrapped an arm around his sleeping form. "Thank you for today, Rafa," she said, laying her head on his shoulder. "It was a wonderful first Christmas."

He kissed the top of her head. "The first of many, I hope?"

Olivia shook her head at his apprehension. "You practically claimed my son as your own today, and you're still unsure about our future?

"No. It's just th-"

Olivia craned her neck and captured his lips with her own, silencing and, hopefully, reassuring him. When she pulled back, she met his gaze. "I love you, Rafael Barba. This is it for me, okay?"

He nodded. "Okay." He tightened his embrace around her and whispered into her hair. " _Te amo, querida_."

A contented smile spread across Olivia's face and she relaxed against him completely.

There, curled together on the sofa, with Noah asleep across their laps, they let the rest of the world fall away. They were left with the sparkling lights of the tree, the warmth of a shared, loving embrace, and the promise of a future, together, as a family.


	3. New Year's Eve

**A/N:** I hadn't intended this to be more than two chapters, but a couple of people requested more and my muse came up with this. I hop it doesn't detract from what was already written.

* * *

Olivia's apartment was quiet when Rafael let himself in. He placed his briefcase on the floor and listened for signs of life. Nothing. Given the events of the previous night, Rafael wouldn't be surprised if Olivia and Noah were flaked out somewhere. He'd stayed over – he hadn't actually been home since Christmas Eve – and Noah had woken them both he and Olivia shortly after 3 am, coughing and wheezing. Olivia had administered his inhalers and dosed him up with Tylenol and the little boy had crawled into bed with them. He'd had a restless night too; tossing and turning, which meant none of them had gotten much sleep. He'd left them in bed, to go into the office to prep for a trial starting in the new year, but a text from Liv shortly after he'd arrived at work informed him that Noah had woken up still coughing and complaining of an earache.

Rafael didn't announce his arrival for fear of disturbing any sleeping occupants. He slipped out of his coat and jacket, laying them over the back of the chair and toed off his shoes, before venturing further inside. He found them in Noah's room. The little boy, asleep in his bed and Olivia sat on the edge beside him. She hadn't heard him come in, so Rafael leant against the doorframe of Noah's room and watched as she lovingly wiped the boy's brow with a cool washcloth. He knew, from the look of concern on her face, that they wouldn't be going out tonight as planned.

"Hey," he whispered softly.

She looked up at him. "Hi," she greeted, with a tired smile. "You didn't have to rush here." She'd replied to his mid-afternoon text enquiry about Noah, with a quick message explaining that he wasn't feeling any better and had now started with a fever. Given that it was New Year's Eve, the offices were quiet, and Rafael decided that he could just as easily re-draft these briefs at Olivia's and be on hand to help with Noah.

Rafael pushed off the doorframe and padded into the room. "It was a slow day," he shrugged. "How's he doing?" He knelt next to Noah's bed and brushed a hand through his curls.

"Pretty much the same as when I text you."

"Do we need to go to the ER?" he asked. His eyes raked over Noah's sleeping form, taking in the flushed cheeks, standing out against his pale complexion.

"I hope not. I mean, if his fever doesn't come down, we might have to. I'd just rather avoid it, if possible. He's spent so much time there already," she sighed, "and, he could pick up more germs in there. His breathing is fine for the moment and. I've given him some Tylenol and a cool bath. It's a waiting game now; we'll see how he goes."

Rafael glanced from Noah to Olivia. She didn't seem too worried. She was concerned, but not panicking. He was happy to defer to her judgement as she had far more experience with Noah being sick than he did.

"Would you mind terribly if we didn't go out tonight?" she asked. "I know it's our first New Year's Eve together, but I just don't want to leave him if he's like this. I'm sorry."

"Hey," Rafael said softly, reaching across the bed to cup her cheek. "It's okay. Noah's sick. I understand. I wouldn't be comfortable leaving him either. I'll call Mami and let her know her babysitting services are no longer required." He stood, his knees clicking in protest, and pulled his cell from his pocket. He stepped into the hallway to make the call.

"Mami, it's me…"

Lucia was saddened to hear that Noah was ill, but Rafael suspected it was more disappointment that she wouldn't be able to spend time with the little boy who she'd quickly become attached to. They had gotten along famously at brunch the day after Christmas and Rafael didn't think he'd ever seen her as happy as she was when Noah had referred to him as ' _Papi'_. She finally had the grandchild she'd longed for. Rafael was pretty certain he'd overhead her introducing Noah to the word _'Abuelita'_. When Rafael had told his mother of his idea for New Year's Eve, she had immediately offered to babysit. Rafael had jumped at the chance to take Olivia out. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy the time they spent together with Noah, but it was nice to go out as a couple occasionally. And tonight, well tonight he'd had plans. Big plans. But it wasn't right to go out and leave Noah when he was sick, so Rafael resigned himself to coming up with another plan, one that he could achieve right here.

After calling his Mom and cancelling the reservation he had made for them at Guantanamera, a Cuban restaurant in Midtown Manhattan, Rafael returned to Noah's room.

"I hope your mother wasn't too disappointed?" Olivia said, dropping the cloth into the bowl of cold water.

"She'll get over it," he shrugged. "I promised her a full day and night of Noah-fun when he's better in recompense."

Olivia laughed, picking up the bowl and tiptoeing out of the room. "Let's leave him to sleep. I'll check on him in a bit."

Rafael followed her to the bathroom where she emptied the water into the sink and wrung out the cloth. Stepping up behind her, he placed his hands on her shoulders. Meeting her gaze in the mirror, he spoke gently. "You look tired. Why don't you go and lay down for a while?" he suggested. "I'll keep an eye on Noah."

"I can't," she protested. "I need to check his temperature in…" She looked at her watch, "about half an hour."

"I can do that," Rafael insisted, rubbing her arms. "Go and rest."

She allowed her head to drop back against his shoulder. "Hmmm. A nap does sound good right about now." She turned to face him. "You'll keep an eye on his breathing too and wake me if you need me?"

Rafael nodded. "I promise. Now, go on. Bed." He guided her to her room and pulled back the bed covers, allowing Olivia to slip in.

Pulling the covers up around her as she lay down, he kissed her forehead lovingly. "Close your eyes, Liv. Sleep."

* * *

After checking Noah's temperature, which had come down a little, Rafael had settled himself on the sofa with his laptop. It was time for some research. He had a plan to rearrange, and only a few hours in which to do it. Opening Google, he typed in his search and hit enter. After looking at the first few search results, he clicked on a link that took him to a site called Pinterest. He'd vaguely heard of it but never explored it for himself. He found lots of ideas for what he wanted to accomplish within the first ten minutes. The majority of them weren't appropriate but there were a couple of possibilities, but nothing felt quite right. So, he kept clicking.

" _Papi_?"

Noah's voice broke his concentration. He blinked several times and looked at his watch. He'd been on that website for over an hour.

"Hey, _mijo_." He put his laptop down on the couch next to him and turned to face Noah, "how are you feeling?"

"I'm hungry."

Rafael smiled, if the boy was hungry that meant he had to be feeling a little better. "Okay then, let's get you some food." He picked him up and carried him to the kitchen, setting him on the counter-top. "What do you fancy?"

Noah turned and eyed the boxes of confectionary that sat under the Christmas tree. "Chocolate?"

"Nice try, _mijo_ ," chuckled Rafael. "You need some proper food to help you get better."

"Chocolate will make me feel better," argued Noah.

"Maybe after you've eaten some real food." He opened a cupboard and surveyed the contents. "How about some chicken soup. That always used to make me feel better when I was little." His Abuelita's chicken soup had been the cure-all in his family growing up. He was sure tinned wouldn't be quite as medicinal, but it was warm and light for Noah's stomach.

Noah nodded. "Can I have toast too?" he asked.

"Sure _mijo_ , why don't you find me the bread while I cook the soup."

As he was heating Noah's soup, Rafael's phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID and checked his watch. With a sigh, he pressed 'Answer' and lifted the handset to his ear. "Detective Tutuola. What can I do for you at five thirty-five on New Year's Eve?"

"Sorry Counsellor. I was hoping to speak to Liv. She with you?"

"She's in bed." As soon as the words were out of his mouth Rafael wished he could take them back. He knew the kind of response his phrasing would bring from the Detective.

"Oh really?"

Rafael could hear the smirk in his voice. He rolled his eyes. "Yes. She was up most of the night with Noah. Is it urgent?"

"Just wanted to let her know we've got the perp in custody."

"I'll pass that on." Holding the phone between his ear and his shoulder, he turned off the heat and poured the soup into a bowl. "Was there anything else, Detective?"

"How's Noah doing?"

He opened the fridge and searched the shelves for the butter. "His temperature has come down so that's a good sign." Noah sidled up to him and pointed at the butter on the middle shelf. Rafael flashed him a thankful smile and closed the fridge. "I'm just making him some soup now."

"Right... Well, I'll let you get back to it. Tell Liv Happy New Year, yeah?"

Rafael hung up, shaking his head slightly. Since disclosing their relationship to the squad, he had been the subject of a little good-natured teasing from them. Mostly sideways glances from Rollins and Carisi but Fin would make the occasional remark.

The teasing was the least of their problems though. It was like every interaction they had was under scrutiny. They were starting to feel like they were under a microscope and it was causing them to second guess even the simplest of gestures or actions. Where Rafael used to pick an extra coffee up for Olivia on his way to court, now he questioned if it was appropriate professional behaviour. And Olivia found herself wondering if she called Rafael too often to update him on cases – should she perhaps let the others do that occasionally.

If it were just scrutiny from her detectives that they were under, it wouldn't bother them as much, but the powers that be had their eye on them both too.

To say that Jack McCoy had been angry when Rafael met with him to disclose would be an understatement. He had poured himself a large scotch before berating Rafael for what he viewed as his 'grave unprofessionalism'. He'd only relented when Rafael had called his bluff and threatened to transfer out of Manhattan. In the end, the two men had come to an agreement; a six-month probationary period, during which time any cases he worked with SVU would be subject to scrutiny from the DA's office of Public Integrity. After that, it would be reviewed again. But he made it clear that one slip-up, even the smallest one, would be catastrophic for both their careers.

Thankfully, Olivia had had a bit of an easier ride. Initially, Chief Dodds wasn't impressed that they'd waited so long to disclose, but after listening to her reasons and seeing her determination to stay in the relationship, he'd promised to fight her corner with 1PP and IAB if necessary.

Both Olivia and Rafael knew that they were in this relationship for the long haul and, as much as they both loved their jobs, they weren't worth losing each other over. They'd agreed to comply with the DA's wishes, but Rafael told Olivia that if it came to it, he would walk away from the Manhattan Office. He'd moved across to fulfil his political dreams, but she'd changed him. His dreams were different now. These days, he dreamt of waking up every morning next to the woman he loved, cooking breakfast with his family and building Lego City structures with his son as he taught him more Spanish words and phrases. Of building a life. With Olivia and Noah. They'd already taken big steps towards achieving that dream and, hopefully, after tonight they would be even closer to it.

Rafael placed the bowl of soup on the table in front of Noah. "Here you go _mijo_. Be careful, it's hot." He sat opposite and buttered a round of toast, cutting off the crusts just as Olivia did. He slid the plate across the table. "Listen, when you've eaten that, do you think you could help with something? Something really important?"

Noah nodded. "Okay, _Papi_."

* * *

Olivia woke several hours later, to delicious smells drifting through from the kitchen. Pulling on her robe, she padded out of her bedroom. She glanced into the kitchen as she passed, it was empty but there was a pot of Picadillo simmering away on the stove. She continued into the living room and her heart swelled at the sight before her. Rafael was sat, legs outstretched on the coffee table, scribbling notes onto a legal pad that rested on the arm of the couch. His free hand was running through Noah's hair, the young boy curled up, his head in Rafael's lap, watching cartoons.

She walked around the couch, hand rubbing over Rafael's shoulders. "Something smells good."

Rafael leant his head back on the sofa. "Hi. Feeling better?"

"Much. Thank you." She flashed him a grateful smile. Bending down, she lay her hand against Noah's forehead. "Are you feeling better, my love?" she asked, gesturing to the open packet of chocolate animal crackers that lay next to him on the couch.

"I'm okay," he mumbled. "I had some soup too," he told her proudly.

"You did?"

"Mmm. Chicken soup. _Papi_ made it for me."

Olivia smiled at her son's words. He'd been calling Rafael, ' _Papi',_ for almost a week now and every time she heard it, she was overcome with emotion. It warmed her heart that Rafael loved her son enough to claim him as his own and that Noah trusted and loved him in return. The last week had been heaven; Rafael had stayed over every night and it had been like they were a family. He had jumped right into the role of father, playing with Noah, continuing to teach him Spanish, tucking him into bed at night and blending in seamlessly with their morning routine when they returned to work. He hadn't hesitated to comfort Noah when he was upset or to reprimand him when needed. It had only been seven days, but for Olivia, it felt like they'd been co-parenting forever. Now that their relationship was out in the open, Olivia was toying with the idea of asking him to stay. Permanently.

Olivia picked Noah up and then sat next to Rafael, settling Noah onto her knee. "Thanks for feeding him."

"I was hardly going to let him starve." He scribbled one final note before closing the legal pad and tossing it, and his pen, into his briefcase. "Our dinner should be ready shortly."

"Mmm. It smells divine," commented Olivia."

"It's ' _Picadillo_ '," he informed her. "My _Abuelita's_ recipe."

Olivia squeezed his knee, she knew that he was still affected by the death of his grandmother, even three years on.

" _Abuelita_? That means Grandma, doesn't it?" Noah asked.

Rafael shook his head. It appeared his suspicions about his mother were right. "Technically, ' _Abuela'_ means Grandma. ' _Abuelita'_ means Granny."

"Oh. Your mom said I could call her _Abuelita_ if I wanted to."

"Sorry Liv," Rafael offered. "Mami gets... overexcited about things."

"Well, you are his Papi now. Why shouldn't he call her Granny?"

She had a point, thought Rafael. They were a family now and by default that included his mother. "I just would have liked her to check with us first."

"I know. But like you said, she's just excited." She patted his leg. "Honestly Rafa, it's okay."

* * *

With two minutes to go until midnight Olivia, Rafael and Noah were gathered around the television to watch the ball drop in Times Square. Noah was feeling a little better and, thanks to his afternoon nap, it had been easy for Rafael to convince Olivia that he should be allowed to try and stay up. He'd dozed intermittently for the last hour, but he was determined to be awake at midnight; Rafael had requested his help, after all.

"Oh, hang on!" Rafael gasped and ran off to the kitchen.

"Rafa?"

"Papi, where are you going? It's nearly time."

"One second," he called through. A moment later, with just over a minute left, he returned carrying a bottle of champagne and two glasses. "Can't celebrate New Year without this."

"When did you have time to get that?" Olivia asked. It hadn't been in her fridge this morning and they had been planning to go out until a few short hours ago.

"I have my ways," he informed her with a wink. "Let's just say, Carmen has gone above and beyond the call of duty and probably deserves a raise."

Olivia laughed, shaking her head at him, as he uncorked the bottle; the pop making Noah jump slightly. He poured two drinks and hands one to Olivia, just as the countdown began.

"10…9…8…7…" Noah joined in, moving closer to the television and staring at the image of the glitter ball as it made its final descent; determined not to miss a second. "6…5…4…" Rafael and Olivia smiled at each other from their position behind him. "3…2…1...Happy New Year," they whispered in unison, clinking their glasses together and leaning in for a New Year kiss. It was brief, but tender; full of love and anticipation for the coming year.

Pulling out of the kiss, Olivia approached her son. "Happy New Year, sweet boy," she told him, hugging him tightly.

"Happy New Year, Momma."

She picked him up and twirled him around.

"Happy New Year Papi!" he called from over Olivia's shoulder when she stopped.

Rafael returned the sentiment, sipping his champagne. " _Prospero Año Nuevo_ , _mijo_."

When Olivia put him down, Noah glanced at Rafael. "Is it time now?"

Rafael nodded discreetly.

"Time for what?" asked Olivia.

"Time for presents!" Noah announced.

"Oh honey, New Year's Eve isn't like Christmas. You don't get presents, do you, Rafa?" She turned to him, to garner his help in explaining this to Noah but found Rafael grinning widely. Olivia raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well, actually…" he smirked.

Noah went to his toy box and retrieved a folded piece of paper. He handed it to his mom, silently. Opening it she found a drawing by Noah. A picture of three people standing next to a house, each of them individually labelled in Noah's childish scrawl: 'Momma', 'Papi', and 'Noah'. It was labelled, 'My Family'. Written above the picture, in Rafael's familiar penmanship, was a message:

 _'Find the sparkle on the tree and a question you will see.'_

Olivia looked between Rafael and the tree several times before he gently nudged her in the direction of the large decorative conifer that sat in the corner of the room. He eyes darted from branch to branch looking, searching for something different, something new.

"Shall I help her?" she heard Noah whisper behind her.

"Not just yet, _mijo_ ," Rafael replied, "let Momma try and find it herself first."

A few seconds later, her eyes fell on something glinting within the branches about halfway up the tree. All the air left her lungs in a rush as she looked closer and saw that it was a gold ring set with 5 diamonds, one larger in the middle and two smaller ones either side, dangling on a thread.

With a shaky hand, she reached out to ease the ring off the branch. Olivia gasped as she read the small tag that was attached to the thread.

 _'Marry me?'_

Her heart was beating a hundred times a minute as she turned to Rafael, only to find him on one knee. Noah stood shoulder to shoulder with him.

"Rafa, I… it's beautiful"

"It was my _Abuelita's_." Rafael took a deep breath. "Liv… I know we've only been dating for five months, but I love you. And Noah. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So, will you marry me?"

"Please say yes, Momma," begged Noah. "Please marry _Papi_."

"You don't have to answer right away," Rafael continued, "despite Noah's insistence. If you want to think about it that's fine. I'd rather wait a week for the right answer than get the wrong one now."

"Rafa, this is such a surprise. I mean, it wasn't even on my radar, but I don't need to think about it." She stepped forward and sank to her knees in front of him, snaking her arms around his neck. Breathing deeply, she closed her eyes and whispered by his ear, "Yes."

"Yes?" he clarified, drawing back to look at her. "You'll really marry me?"

Olivia nodded. "Yes, I'll really marry you," she repeated, half amused by the wonder in his eyes.

"Yay!" cheered Noah, throwing himself at his Mom and Papi for a hug.

" _¡Gracias a Dios!_ " Rafael breathed. He was elated. _She said yes!_ He took her left hand and slid the cool metal band onto her fourth finger, staring deeply into his eyes as he did so. " _Te amo,_ _cariño_ ," he whispered, before capturing her in a deep kiss. " _Siempre._ "

It wasn't a candlelit dinner at Guantanamera. They weren't dressed for the occasion. But, Olivia reflected as he slid the ring onto her finger, that didn't matter. It was perfect.

"I have something else for you," Rafael said, pushing himself up off the floor and onto the sofa, ignoring the clicking protest of his knees. "Noah, could you get the red folder from my case please?"

Noah nodded enthusiastically and returned moments later with the file. "This one?"

"That's the one, _mijo_. Now," he lifted Noah onto Olivia's lap, "this is actually for both of you. If you want it."

Olivia opened the folder and skim-read the legal papers she found there. She locked eyes with Rafael. "You want to adopt Noah?"

"If you'll let me. If you'll both let me?"

"What's 'adopt' mean, _Papi_?" asked Noah. "It doesn't sound Spanish."

"It's not Spanish, _mijo_. It's a fancy word for saying that I want to be your Dad; that I want you to be my son."

Noah's brow furrowed. "But, I thought we already were. I'm _mijo_ and you're _Papi_."

"We are," Rafael assured him. "This just makes it 'official', that's all. So that everyone knows and understands."

"So, nothing changes?" Noah questioned.

"Not if you don't want it too. But when your Mom and I get married, she'll become Olivia Barba-"

Olivia raised an eyebrow at his presumptuousness. "Oh, I will, will I? And what if I want to keep my name?" she asked playfully.

"Okay then, if your Mom decides to be Mrs Barba, then you can be a Barba too."

Noah tried out his new possible name. "Noah Porter Barba. I like it."

"Is that a yes then, sweet boy?" Olivia asked. "Would you like _Papi_ to adopt you?"

Noah nodded and smiled. "Yeah!" He reached for Rafael, pulling him into a hug.

" _Gracias_ , Noah," Rafael whispered into his hair. He met Olivia's gaze over the top of Noah's head and she handed him his glass of champagne.

Raising her glass, she smiled tenderly at him. "To us. And our family."

He returned her smile and clinked his glass against hers. "Our family."

Family. It didn't always mean blood. In some cases it was the people in your life who wanted you in theirs; the ones who accepted you for who you were. The ones who would do anything to see you smile & who loved you. No matter what.

For Olivia, Rafael and Noah, their family wasn't created by blood, but by love.


End file.
